Can You Survive Without An Emotional Connection?

Several years ago, I stood in the Garden of Gethsemane near the aged olive trees envisioning the Lord Jesus kneeling there to pray. A preacher was telling the story of that evening so long ago. My heart was shattered as I came to the full realization that I, too, would have been exactly like Peter, James and John — I would have fallen asleep at my Lord’s most significant time of need!! The Holy Spirit asked me the question, “How many times have you fallen asleep in the time of your friends’ greatest needs?”

I knew there were MANY times that I had not listened to pleas of others for prayer, for consideration, for a time of listening, for a “bear hug”—with no questions; I had fallen asleep to others’ needs. My eyes were turned inward or focused on other distractions and I had not met the needs of someone — perhaps my spouse, my friend, my child, my pastor, my neighbor, my parent, or a casual acquaintance who needed emotional support!

In Matthew 26:36-46, we see Jesus entering a great inward battle of prayer as He faces God the Father’s plan for His life. He knew what was ahead in His prayer time-struggle and He made an appeal to the disciples for support.

Verse 36-46: Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and He told His disciples, Sit down here while I go over yonder and pray. And taking with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, He began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed. [Mark’s account says, struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed.] (Do those emotions sound familiar to you? Do you remember letting down the façade and allowing others to see your emotional distress?)

Then He said to them, My soul is very sad and deeply grieved, so that I am almost dying of sorrow. [Mark’s account says, overwhelmed with grief so that it almost kills Me.] (Do you remember times when you actually made such an admission to those who are closest to you? Do you remember how you felt as though your heart would break with the burden of emotion…that surely you would die?)
Stay here and keep awake and keep watch with Me. And going a little farther, He threw Himself upon the ground on His face and prayed saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will [not what I desire], but as You will and desire. (Have you addressed your struggle in such a way with an open heart which says—not my will but Thine be done?)
And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, (Oh, my, does that sound familiar to you…your spouse has fallen asleep right when you had begun to share your heart…his eyes were turned toward the newspaper, the television, a book? You knew that his thoughts were afar off and he was focused on something else.)
And He said to Peter, What? Are you so utterly unable to stay awake and keep watch with Me for one hour? (Do you remember your questions—either out loud or on the inside—why couldn’t he at least listen even if he doesn’t agree? Why doesn’t he care about my feelings?...couldn’t he give me his attention for a few minutes? )
All of you must keep awake (give strict attention, be cautious and active) and watch and pray, that you may not come into temptation. (Remember you thought, well one day he is going to need me…the same emotions may one day engulf him!) The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Yes, his spirit is weak—it only thinks of itself!)
Again a second time He went away and prayed, My Father, if this cannot pass by unless I drink it, Your will be done. (Oh, IF ONLY, we would pray that way with the same heart attitude!)
And again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were weighed down with sleep. (Well, maybe he is trying, but this is his usual behavior…no time, no effort, no concern, no reaching out, no emotional support or assurance!...I have had it, I can take it no more!) [Mark’s account says, and they did not know what answer to give Him.]
So, leaving them again, He went away and prayed for the third time, using the same words. Then He returned to the disciples, and said to them, Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? (Well, I gave it to the Lord once, but the pain keeps coming back!!)
Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of especially wicked sinners (whose way or nature it is to act in opposition to God]. Get up, let us be going! See, My betrayer is at hand. [Mark’s account says, Are you still sleeping and resting? It is enough of that!] (Have you said to yourself or even aloud to your mate, It is enough of that!!...enough is enough!)

Yes, I knew that I had failed to support others in their time of need, but I also, FELT as though most times it was I who had not been supported…prayerfully, emotionally, etc.

When we girls think of marriage, without any concerted effort on our part, we have built over time many ideas of what marriage will give to us. The world aids us in building this idea—through books, magazines, movies, our friends, comments of relatives, our family life, etc. Our own day dreaming and fantasizing adds to the layers of expectations. Without ever recognizing what we are setting up, we enter marriage expecting a give-take relationship, a giving loving situation where we will daily be confirmed, complimented, adored and appreciated.

Why did you want to marry? What was your motive? Have you given thought to your motive for marrying your mate? If examined closely, we will learn that there are three motives for everything we do: Hope, Fear, and Love. The Hope we have answers the question, what we might gain, the Fear we embrace answers the question, what we might lose, and of course, the Love we yearn to express answers the question, what we might give. A young woman may feel that she must marry—she has great hope of what she might gain. She may feel she must marry—she has a great fear of what she might lose if she continues life alone. How many young ladies do you think get married with only one motive in mind—love of what she might give? Were you one of these? Your desire was only for the opportunity to give!!?

Sometimes we have a blind spot regarding our expectations and our motive. Perhaps you believe that you were totally unselfish and had only the motive of love—that which you might give when you married. Later you discovered that your motive was more to be compared to what I call “fish hook” love.

I adored my prospective husband. I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I constantly thought of ways I could express love toward Wes through gifts of service, of verbal communication, through written expression, and on and on. However, with the passing of time, I made an awful discovery about myself.

Even though we know many truths in our heads, we often dismiss them or don’t address them when we are dealing with life in the emotional realm. We lose sight of the fact that Christ experienced every struggle that we have today. The Scripture says, “For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.” [Hebrews 4:15]

Jesus was 100% man and 100% God while in His earthly walk. In Hebrews 5:7, “In the days of His flesh [Jesus] offered up definite special petitions [for that which He not only wanted but needed] and supplications with strong crying and tears to Him Who was [always] able to save Him [out] from death, and He was heard because of His reverence toward God [His Godly fear, His piety, in that He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father]. Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered.”

“Since, therefore, [these His] children, share in flesh and blood [in the physical nature of human beings], He [Himself] in a similar manner partook of the same [nature], that by [going through] death He might bring to nought and make of no effect him who had the power of death—that is, the devil--
And also that He might deliver and completely set free all those who through the [haunting] fear of death were held in bondage throughout the whole course of their lives…So it is evident that it was essential that He be made like His brethren in every respect, in order that He might become a merciful (sympathetic) and faithful High Priest in the things related to God, to made atonement and propitiation for the people’s sins. For because He Himself [in His humanity] has suffered in being tempted (tested and tried). He is able [immediately] to run to the cry of (assist, relieve) those who are being tempted and tested and tried [and who therefore are being exposed to suffering]. “ [Hebrews 4]

Some of Jesus’ dearest friends were Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He loved them and held them in loving esteem. Lazarus was dying and the sisters sent for Jesus to come. Jesus delayed his visit so that God might be honored and to promote His glory that the Son of God may be glorified through (by) it.

After the delay of two days, Jesus returned to Judea even though the disciples warned Him that the Jews were intending to stone Him. He told the disciples that Lazarus was dead and for your sake I am glad that I was not there; it will help you to believe. Jesus met Martha just as he arrived and she began with IF ONLY. When Mary came she, too, began with IF ONLY. Verse 33 of John 11: When Jesus saw her sobbing, and the Jews who came with her [also] sobbing, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (He chafed in spirit and sighed and was disturbed.]

They went to where Lazarus was laid and Jesus wept!! Some of the Jews said, See how tenderly He loved him!...Now Jesus again sighing repeatedly and deeply disquieted, approached the tomb.

In this account of Jesus calling forth Lazarus from the dead to demonstrate “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. Yes, I know You always hear and listen to Me, but I have said this on account of and for the benefit of the people standing around, so that they may believe that You did send Me [that You have made Me Your Messenger]” PURPOSE: that God and the Son of God may be glorified!

Jesus DID the will of His Father, He chose to do the Father’s will, yet He suffered emotionally with His beloved friends. Jesus KNEW that Lazarus would live again in his earthy vessel that was in the tomb, yet, He felt empathy for the sadness of His friends in their loss. Were they right to be disappointed that He did not come when they sent for Him? Were they believing correctly when they did not see that this happening with Lazarus was a picture of His resurrection? Were they living up to His expectations? All I know is that Jesus entered into their emotional pain even though he knew completely their human frailty, their unbelief, their lack of understanding even though He had been telling them along and even though He knew the ultimate outcome.

Yes, we serve a risen Savior…Hallelujah! Yes, we serve a great High Priest Who knows, understands, and cares for our emotional sufferings. He wants to heal the hurt places in our lives. He does the healing by enabling us to forgive. What about the enablement to “hardly notice when done wrong”? How about the quick forgiveness when we do notice?

When we have lingering hurts from childhood experiences, from present day circumstances (I don’t mean deliberately and decisively holding the hurt, I don’t mean in the situations where we choose to continue to hold the hurt, OR where the hurt lingers because of our stubbornness and unforgiving spirit), He is faithful to heal the hurt when we take it to Him.

The answer for our need today is the same is it was in Christ’s earthly ministry. As we look back upon the Garden of Gethsemane, we hear His words that we should adopt as a ready response to our present struggles and suffering, “Father, please let this cup pass from me, but not my will, but Thine be done!”

As we linger over the story of Lazarus’ resurrection in the light of the emotional expression, we must conclude in our life, “It may cause me pain and suffering, but I accept the pain that I might stay focused on the will of my Father.”

We enter into His suffering…and it should be because we bear the name of Christ (I Peter 4:12-14) Much of our suffering is caused by acts of disobedience…willful, and unknowing sin…called chastening.

The suffering we bear…”those who are ill-treated and suffer in accordance with God’s will must do right and commit their souls [in charge as a deposit] to the One Who created [them] and will never fail [them].” I Peter 4:19

The awful discovery I made several years ago as Wes’ wife, I truly did EXPECT something in return! I had only thought that I had a motive of “LOVE—of what I might give. Bottom line, I had offered Wes “fishhook love”—I wanted something in return. And through the years, I paid havoc with the emotions of disappointment!!

What about you? Could you enter a new phase with knowing Jesus? Could you commit to a new life and let today be the first day of it?

My desire today is to stand with Christ and say, “Not my will but Thine be done!”
AND Father, I am willing to bear the emotional pains that You allow for me that I might fulfill Your perfect will for my life.” It is worth it all to hear Your words in every day experience, “Well done thy good and faithful servant, you put your hands to the plow and didn’t look back, you have committed to the will of the Father and are focused on it’s completion!”