Traits of an Ideal Marriage!

I Corinthians 7
Through the first 6 chapters of I Cor. Paul has dealt with the sinful disorderly conduct in the local church – he is responded to reports of the church’s behavior. Now in Ch. 7, Paul is giving replies to specific questions regarding marriage. Keep in mind that Paul is replying to definite questions. He is not spelling out a complete picture of a Christian marriage. We must consider what the complete Scriptures say about marriage and get it set in our thinking as we should all subjects.
Liberal critics have accused Paul of being a chauvinist and against marriage. That is not true. Also, Paul is not disclaiming his divine inspiration of his letters. He refers to what Jesus taught when He was on earth…and then he addresses questions that Jesus did not discuss. Both what Jesus said and what Paul says have authority. (II Tim. 3:16 every word inspired)
V. 1- 11 CHRISTIANS MARRIED TO CHRISTIANS: It would seem that the Cor. asked Paul if celibacy (remaining single) was more spiritual than being married. Paul recommends the gift of celibacy, but NOT that it is better than marriage. Dr. Kenneth Wuest translates: “It is perfectly proper, honorable, morally befitting for a man to live in strict celibacy.”
7:6 makes it clear that celibacy is permitted, but it is not commanded. V.7 states that not everyone has the gift of remaining celibate. (Matt. 19:1-11 eunuch – one who abstains from marriage.) Yet, Gen. 2:18 “It is not good that the man should be alone.” … singleness or marriage = all depends upon the will of God for your individual life!!! “I will direct your paths!” (Prov. 3:6, 16:9)
7:2 God does not approve of polygamy or homosexual marriage. One man married to one woman has been God’s pattern from the first. A husband and wife belong to one another. They must not abuse this privilege. Sexual love is a beautiful tool to build with, not a weapon to fight with. To refuse each other of sexual expression is an invitation to temptation (I Thess. 4:3 – 5) It is like inviting Satan to tempt the partners to seek their satisfaction elsewhere.
The spiritual must govern the physical: your body is the temple of God. By mutual agreement, the husband and wife may abstain from sexual expression in order to devote their full interest to prayer and fasting v. 5. They must not use this as an excuse for prolonged separation. Be in tune with each other in matters both spiritual and physical. Gentlemen, don’t be hindered in your prayers – I Peter 37
Paul is straightforward: If you cannot control yourself, then marry!
Apparently they asked Paul about divorce and answers in v. 39. Paul gives two choices IF you divorce: 1. Remain single 2. Be reconciled to your spouse. The best is confession, forgiveness and reconciliation. Divorce is to be the LAST consideration, not the first as it seems to be in our today world. Every means available should be used to restore marriage. One Christian counselor said, “There are no sex problems in marriage, only personality problems with sex as one of the symptoms.”
v. 12-24 CHRISTIANS MARRIED TO NON-CHRISTIANS: Saved after married, but mate not saved. Perhaps their question was – must we remain married to unsaved partners? Doesn’t our conversion alter things? Salvation does not alter the marriage state; if anything, it ought to enhance the relationship. (wives - I Peter 3:1-6). The one flesh physical relationship Gen. 2:24 can only be broken by a physical cause. Death is such a cause. (v. 39) Many say that adultery does that – have you considered that forgiveness is the REAL answer!?
It is an act of disobedience for a Christian knowingly to marry an unsaved person II Cor. 6:14. If a person becomes a Christian after marriage, he should not use that as an excuse to break up the marriage just to avoid problems. Paul emphasized the fact that the Christian partner could have a spiritual influence on the unsaved mate. Does NOT teach that the non-Christian is saved because of the believing mate…each person must individually receive Christ. It means that the believer exerts a spiritual influence in the home that possibly could lead to the salvation of the lost partner.
Children = again the influence of the saved parent. Must not give up. Must be committed to giving the children a stable home. To walk away from the marriage – annul it makes the children illegitimate. Instead, they may one day be saved because of the lasting influence and the message that your staying in the marriage with a Godly attitude makes upon them.
This new doctrine had a great impact on the Roman world. This teaching about the marriage was true for everyone. The church was made up of slaves, freemen, men women, rich poor…having fellowship on an equal basis. Gal 3:28
As Paul dealt with the question of circumcision, he is addressing the differences. One should not attempt to become a Jew or vice versa. Slaves should not demand freedom from their Christian masters just because of equality in Christ. If the unsaved partner leaves, the Christian is not obligated to keep the home together. We are called to peace. Rom. 12:18… all that is left to do is pray and continue to be faithful to the Lord.
Paul did not say that the mate who is left has the right to divorce and remarry. Paul did not deal with every possible situation. He laid down spiritual principles, not a list of rules. He always encouraged forgiveness and restoration
Most of us are prone to think that a change in circumstances is always the answer to a problem. But the problem is usually within us and not around us. The heart of the problem is the problem in the heart. The partners CARRY their problems with them! A lawyer’s quote: “About the only people who profit from divorces are the attorneys!”
v.25-40: UNMARRIED CHRISTIANS: (V.8-9) It appears that the question was “Must a Christian get married?” Paul advises
1. Consider the present circumstances. 25-31 You must be ready to accept that difficulties come with marriage v. 28. Engaged couples should consider carefully and thoughtful…setting aside the pressures of feelings, attraction, etc. Wiersbe says, “I used to remind couples that the cheapest thing in a wedding was the marriage license. From then on, the prices would go up!”
2. Face the responsibilities honestly b. 32 -35 Marriage requires a measure of maturity…and age is no guarantee of maturity! Difficulties do come…[MAN]anxious about worldly matters…how the husband may please his wife….drawn in diverging directions…interests divided, distracts. [WOMAN] CARES CENTERED IN EARTHLY AFFAIRS…HOW SHE MAY PLEASE HER HUSBAND. Don’t rush into marriage. To be married means to consider your mate, as well as the children God may give you.
It is possible to please your mate and the Lord if you are yielded to the Lord and obeying His Word. A happy home and a satisfying marriage is a great encouragement to others. If a man would admit it openly, the battles he faces out in the world are victoriously fought because of his strength in the Lord and in the security of a loving wife who believes in him.
A young person who is considering marriage should ask him or herself, “will marriage help or hinder my calling?” Each person has his own gift and calling from God and must be obedient to His Word and His instruction.
3. Each situation is unique v. 36-38 Paul clarifies that the father had freedom of choice whether or not he would give his daughter in marriage. Young people face the negatives of – got to get engaged, have to be like my friends, people will not think that I am normal, keep up with the crowd, I’ve dreamed of my wedding all my life, and on and on. It is a wise thing for couples to counsel with their parents and with their Christian leaders in the church. Getting older (v.36) puts pressure…rushing into marriage to avoid becoming a spinster – more likelihood of making a most serious mistake. “Better to live in single loneliness than in married cussedness!” I say, better to live lonely than live in an earthly hell!
Parents must develop an early lasting influence in their children’s lives. They should be seeking God’s best for their lives VERY early. Dating standards, parental agreement and arrangement between children and parents. Good questions for your children to ask about marriage:
* What is my gift from the Lord *Am I marrying a believer *Are the circumstances such that marriage is right *How will marriage affect my service for Christ *Am I prepared to enter into this union for life
Teach your children in every possible way the importance of the commitment we make when we marry. In the physical aspect – teach the girls modesty (from the heart) and that the man is responsible for the physical contact (Songs of Sol. – take charge and be responsible as this lover did!)!)
Those who are divorced and remarried: Seek forgiveness from everyone involved…take responsibility…don’t place blame! Especially ask your child’s forgiveness: (something like) I did wrong, God has forgiven me. Would you please forgive me for not giving you a stable home with a Godly mother and Dad.
4. Remember that marriage is for life v. 39-40. Permanent, a lifetime commitment. No such thing as a trial marriage…if it doesn’t work, we can always get a divorce.
Marriage must be based on more than good looks, attraction, money, romantic excitement and social acceptance. Commitment, character, and maturity are important contributions…but also a willingness to grow, to learn from one another, to forgive (forget – must likely you will not, but it is to remember that you forgave when and if you remember the offense), to minister to one another. I Cor. 13 love cements 2 lives together.
Paul’s advise to the widows v.39 40
The Lord erected walls around marriage, not to make it a prison, but to make it a safe fortress. The person who considers marriage a prison should not get married. The marriage is one of enrichment and enlargement = when the couple is committed to the Lord, convinced that they have a greater ministry together, and choose to continue to love one another joyfully regardless of the changing circumstances or situation.
Obviously God makes marriage a very serious matter. We cannot disobey His Word and directions without suffering painful consequences. God’s best and ideal choice is clear: God hates divorce Mal.2:14-16 and no believer should consider divorce.
A person’s marital failure may hinder him from serving as a pastor or deacon I Tim. 3:2, 12 it need not keep him from ministering in other ways. A man does not have to hold an office in order to have a ministry.