You can “I Do” Even if your spouse “I do not”
Marriage is an institution in deep trouble today. MANY divorces and those who continue to live together are often desperately unhappy. Many endure, keep up the appearances…but tension, hostility and strife fester beneath the surface.
With counselors galor, it seems almost impossible to repair a broken marriage relationship except for the grace of the LORD. Many of these unhappy homes are Christians. Shame on us…the Bible gives us all the instruction we need to live contently together and the indwelling Holy Spirit enables believers to obey God’s will.
“ I love being married, It is so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
In Peter’s letter, he deals with the marriage relations. Infidelity was perhaps more commonplace than today and the divorce rate was equally as high. Families were living under great pressures just as we are today.
In addition, the church was undergoing persecution. Under those kinds of conditions…like we are experiencing right now, men lose jobs, financial stresses occur, and ordinary problems intensify. Saved women were striving to maintain a successful relationship with unsaved husbands – many spouses were antagonistic to the Gospel.
Peter’s Biblical principles apply to every age and society. He addresses specific qualities that wives ought to manifest:
Helpmate: suitable, adapted, complementary...Gen. 2:18
Submissive to the husband. Recognize him as the head of the home. The wife might be more intelligent, have a more vibrant personality or even hold a better job; yet in the home she must acknowledge the headship of her husband. This is God’s will—and it works! A man may not have great abilities and still be an effective husband and father if he depends upon the LORD – led by the Holy Spirit.
The wife should be submissive even if her husband is an unbeliever. He may stubbornly oppose the Gospel, but the wife is to submit to his leadership. V. 1
Before a woman can be submissive on the outside, she must be submissive on the inside. Just an action will not do, submission is a choice of the heart! A meek woman or a strong woman in personality can and should be submissive to her husband.
God created a decent and orderly structure for everything and Peter is expressing a structure for the home in this passage. Wife, you may be strong, highly motivated, and intelligent, but you can choose to yield humbly in wise obedience to God’s designated and divinely appointed authority in your life – your husband. Submission is an attitude, not an act. It is a decision, not an emotion. If you wait until you FEEL submissive, you may never become submissive. It does not mean being a doormat. It is insight into the man God has given you – his needs and desires – and choosing to act in accordance with them without his demanding or commanding it.
Regardless of the husband’s condition—deserving or not, Christian or not, Scripture does not offer an option; a wife is to be submissive because of his position as her husband.
An unbelieving husband may be won by his wife’s behavior not her discussion. Reverence for your husband…to FEEL???? To respect, to defer to…v.2
We girls try to please our husbands most often with the way we dress, style our hair, coordinate with jewelry or changes of clothes and much of the time ‘he doesn’t even notice’!!!? Peter is teaching us that it is the hidden person of the heart…that gentle and peaceful spirit which is precious to the LORD.
The women of old beautified themselves and our used-to-be pastor reminded us that the men who went to seek wives took gifts of jewelry. So the outer is not the problem, it is fine to look our best and I believe we should, but our focus should be on our inner person and our submissiveness to our husbands. V. 6 taught me that “it is the LORD working through my lord in my life!”
This passage of the wife's role points us to that important quality of not being fretful, fearful, anxious.
v. 7 is a WOW verse…not often emphasized. IN THE SAME MANNER, (as it has been said already to the wives) you married men should live considerately with your wives. No where does Peter say or indicate that women are weaker, he is instructing the husband to honor his wife as tho she is weaker and that critical phrase “in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. Otherwise, you cannot pray effectively!”
A Christian husband must recognize the delicate nature of women. In many ways they are more sensitive than men. An unkind word, a thoughtless remark, the failure to remember an anniversary or a complaint about a carefully prepared meal can hurt a woman deeply.
Husbands have a solemn obligation to understand his wife. The world keeps saying a man cannot understand his wife...perhaps he does not want to , but certainly he can...NOT women but his wife. Recognize the things that upset her and avoid them. Think twice before making an angry or critical remark. Try to do what pleases her.
Usually a Christian husband does not intend to be cruel, but he can easily hurt his mate by sheer thoughtlessness or insensitivity. Remember and obey Peter’s admonition…Provide loving leadership in your home and be very careful about the feelings of your wife.
Clay pots of the olden days were very fragile and a husband should treat his wife with the same tenderness and utmost consideration as the “weaker vessel.” True chivalry should be a part of the relationship between men and women. A man who shields his wife from the heavier duties like difficult doors to open, vacuuming, mowing the yard, moving furniture, etc. will end up with a sense of satisfaction and self worth…and it helps his wife to realize that he loves her…and that is important. Regardless what the liberated women say or do, every Christian husband should continue to give honor unto his wife as the weaker vessel.
The third aspect that Peter speaks of is that a husband should cultivate the spiritual oneness he and his wife enjoy as both being believers. V. 7 as heirs together.
The spiritually minded husband is also aware that if he does not obey the admonitions of Scripture, he won’t be able to pray effectively. A lack of respect for his wife will put a barrier between a man and his Lord. Someone has said, “The signs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing.” There is no greater incentive for heeding Peter’s exhortation.
As we leave these instructions to both the husband and the wife, I must add…we cannot apply these admonitions to our spouse, BUT we must examine our individual life. You may not have a Christian husband, or you may not have a Christian wife…whether saved or lost, we cannot depend upon the other’s behavior for our response or reaction. There is no room in the born again’s life for “IF he/she was only…. Then I would!
A strong appeal for spiritual integrity is found in the next five verses. 1. Unity of mind, 2 love for one another, 3 humility of spirit, 4 forgiving disposition, 5 and a Godly attitude toward all of life. Each of these is an absolute essential if we are to please God and be good witnesses for Christ.
v. 8 Peter expands his discussion and is referring to the whole Body
1. Unity…does not mean that we become indifferent to specific doctrines or merge all churches into one great united organization…Bible based convictions cannot be put off like a garment. It is speaking of ONENESS of spirit. Loving one another in Christ and praying for mutual welfare.
2. Love one another. Sympathizing - Referring to joy or happiness of another person…Join with others in feelings of delight and sadness. Consistency in the Word tells us that we are to love one another. Do not be calloused to human suffering and grief. We must let the sadness of others penetrate the thick skin of our insensitivity.
3. Humility test: PRECEDENCE…do you feel badly when others are honored, because they outshine you? Do you have envy or competitive spirit as you relate with others? SINCERITY…People often say things about themselves to sound humble when really they are not. “I thank God that whatever faults I may have, I am not proud!” CRITICISM… Do you react unfavorably when someone points out your shortcomings? If you are rebuked, do you become hostile and defensive? Do you try to justify yourself? Maybe you retaliate by fault finding in them. Unless you accept criticism graciously and willing to learn from those who point out your failings, you are not truly an humble person.
4. Willingness to forgive??? The importance of a forgiving spirit cannot be overemphasized. If we refuse to forgive , we are living in disobedience to the Lord. An unforgiving spirit disrupts our fellowship with God and destroys our joy. …Refusal to forgive results in broken homes, wayward children, blighted lives and both physical and spiritual distress and a root of bitterness that spreads to everyone we meet.
5. Godly attitude toward life…Peter wrote as from Psa. 34 the meaning is clear…if you would love life, then guard your tongue, turn away from evil, do good and live at peace with your fellowmen. The best way to shun evil is to do good. To live at peace and pursue it is gained by giving a soft answer when someone verbally attacks us, by forgiving those who wrong us, avoid needless quarrels and be willing to take the lowly place. As you practice these principles day after day, you will find true satisfaction. True satisfaction is possible only when we obey God’s commandments. A person who really lives is the Christian who walks in obedience and in fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
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